How can I be so selfish?

You know when you see a message that literally breaks you, you can even feel your heart sink. Well that happened to me today. One of my closest friends, practically my lil brother (he’s in the year below) found out a few months ago that his mum has a brain tumour. I remember hearing the hurt in his voice when he told me. The small sobs, silent sniffs and the pained sound of his voice broke my heart and brought tears to my eyes. The timing of everything just isn’t right, especially because he has his GCSEs soon; his head is all over the place.

His mum has been in and out of hospital, she came home a few days ago but went back to the hospital because she didn’t feel too good. Yesterday the doctor said she has a chest infection. I asked him if it was anything serious and he said he didn’t think so. Relieved to hear, there was hope that the doctor will sign her off to go home again. But today things got worse….

“She’s got a week at most to live Roxy..”

I could feel a lump forming in my throat when I saw this message. I was speechless, I stared at my phone for 15 minutes not knowing what to say. He said the cancer spread to her lungs. There’s no time for her to recover or anything… She’s going to die. Deep down he knew it was going to come to this but I urged him multiple times to not give up hope which was pointless in the end. I can’t even imagine what their family is going through, he has an older sister and a lil bro that I really feel for because he’s only 7. A little boy who’s no longer going to see his mum.

I really wish things wasn’t the way they were. He doesn’t deserve to go through all this, see his mum suffer, his mum doesn’t deserve to suffer. Cancers one hell of a bitch.

Surely this should make me more grateful for my life as I’m still here breathing, yet I still hate so many things in my life and I still wish things would change. Selfish right? Why can’t I just appreciate it? You’re here living whilst someone else is fighting for their life. Well from here on I’m going to be more grateful. I’m going to appreciate what I have because you’ll never know when it can be gone, you’ll never know when your life is going to end. So please, take this as a sign. Your life is too precious to waste and hate. There’s somebody out there who’s dying to be in your shoes so be grateful you’re not in theirs.

Love from,

Roxy xoxo

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