It’s only the beginning…

My mocks finished on Thursday (Thank God!) so this weekend is definitely needed. How did they go? Ha erm weeeeeellll… not too great, but trust me I definitely learnt my lesson before my mocks even started. I will never make this mistake again and I’ve started to revise for my AS Level exams already, hopefully I’ll be able to keep it up. I got my maths grade on Friday, boy was it bad :/ 11 out of 18 people in my class got the same grade which is really bad considering we’re top set but I’m guessing no one had the motivation to revise in the Christmas holidays – I mean it is kinda understandable everyone wants to relax during this time but it’s not so much of an excuse I guess. I told my mum today about it so she doesn’t get a real shock on parents evening, she took it really calmly – which I was sort of expecting but I wasn’t at the same time. She was a bit disappointed and shocked because I usually do so much better, I’ve never gotten such a low grade before, although I did explain to her that it wasn’t going to happen again.

It’s the ninth day into the year, how’s everything going for you guys? I mean it’s only the beginning and there’s so much more which awaits for you all. It hasn’t been the greatest start for me, I mean it could have been worse. Towards the end of the week I felt excluded from everyone, it wasn’t necessarily the people who made me feel like that it was myself. I just- I don’t know, I felt out of place but hopefully next week will be better.

The highlight so far is that me and horserider smiled at each other on Thursday! Yes yes I’m sooooo hyped about it even though it’s not much of a big deal. But I did something really stupid (as usual Roxy). After I finished eating my lunch I took my plate and my friends plates too, as I was going to put the plates down on the table it just so happens that I walk over to see horserider buying something which is near the table. I avoided contact with him  and I have no idea why! I could feel him looking at me but I completely ignored him -___________________- Why WHYYYY didn’t I just say HI?! I have no idea, I literally have problems he must think I’m so weird. On the same day I was walking out of the sixth former room with my friends and Luke pushed me into horserider because he’s an absolute idiot – it wasn’t deliberate or anything because he doesn’t know I like him. Coincidence I got pushed into horserider right? I didn’t barge into him too hard though, I apologised but I honestly don’t remember what he said- I don’t even know if he realised I pushed into him. But anyways I keep telling myself he will NEVER like me back. I know one of my New Years Resolutions was to stop being so pessimistic but I really can’t help it. It’s just facts, I know he doesn’t see me that way. How do I know? I don’t really know but I know (that makes like no sense but oh well)

At some point during the week it was break time and I was in the sixth former’s room and I turned my head at least 4 times to see different couples being affectionate to each other. SERIOUSLY?! Come on I can understand I’m not in a relationship you don’t have to rub it in my face! Sometimes I wish I did have something with someone. Someone that I mean a lot to. I know people say you’re still young you have plenty of time to find someone but it’s hard when you see people being so happy with someone and you wish you was in their shoes especially because you like someone yourself but you know nothing will happen.

Tori Kelly you are perfection! <3_<3

Yeah this song pretty much relates to me right now so it’s the song of the week 🙂

Hope everyone is having a good weekend,

Roxy xoxo

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