Urgh I’m so done. I’ve been trying so hard to not let things get on top of me but it is and I hate. I’m always exhausted – physically and mentally drained and I honestly don’t see the point in anything sometimes. College can go fuck itself I can’t wait until it’s all over. I feel like I’m gonna flop my mocks, nothings sticking in. My mum doesn’t make my life any easier, I’m in the middle of revision and she’s always asking me to look after my little sisters. “It’s only for 5 mins” when really, it’s for 20mins or more, I end up losing concentration when I try to get back into it ffs. Or my little sister ends up running in my room which pisses me off.
No energy to make an effort with anyone anymore, sometimes I just want to pretend that everyone around me doesn’t exist and not have to speak with anyone and force communication because I can’t be bothered to pretend like I’m happy all the time when deep down I’m one moody bitch. I keep complaining and I hate myself for it because I’m always telling people that they need to think positive because in the end it will be worth it but I’m struggling to believe it myself.
My mind is all over the place. I’m thinking about things which should be completely irrelevant e.g the guy I have a crush. How can someone I barely know always be my mind? It’s ridiculous, I keep telling myself to leave things alone, don’t walk the long way just to see him, stop having hope that you’ll speak to him again because he DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOU ROXY, he think you’re a weird, a twat who blatantly is interested in him and he’s clearly not. I need to stop because I’m being really stupid and I need to focus on the things that actually matter, why can’t I just focus on things that matter?!?!
I guess it’s just one of those crappy days, hopefully I’ll feel a bit more cheerful tomorrow.. If you’re having a bad day right now don’t worry I can relate, let’s hope we both have a better day tomorrow.