Last month of the year – what I’ve learnt

I can’t believe how quick this year has gone, I mean how the hell are we in December already? November literally flew by (o.o) time really doesn’t wait for anyone. This year hasn’t been the greatest, especially in summer which started off great and completely went downhill. I left my friendship group, separated from Stephen (we wasn’t actually official but we acted like we was dating) and some of my family thought bad of me.

Even though shitty things did happen, throughout this year I’ve learnt so much that I want to share with you guys:

  1. The less friends you have the better

During the summer holidays when I felt like absolute shit, I stayed at my cousins who I literally adore. My cousin, Faith who’s one year older than me, has two older sisters, Shanika and Hannah who no longer live in their parents home but regularly visit. And she has an older brother Daniel. For 14 years I was an only child until my mum gave birth to two girls (one in December last year and one in May, ON MY BIRTHDAY-_-) you must be thinking that’s a really close gap, so much for birth control eh? LOL. Anyways, I’ve never had any older siblings but my cousins take this role perfectly. My aunty and uncle said I’m always welcome to visit or stay round which I’m really grateful for because I love the atmosphere they have in their home and the relationship they have with each other. So during my shitty summer (ironic when summer is supposed to be the best time of the year) my older cousin, Daniel gave me one long ass talk – he spoke to me about how he went from one idiotic twat to a matured young adult who’s getting paid due to an apprenticeship he’s doing in the City of London. When he was in secondary school he was pretty popular, all the girls wanted him and he was stupidly in a gang. Thank God he wasn’t one of his friends who either got stabbed or locked up in a cell. He finally realised at some point that he actually wants to do something with his life. The only reason why he got to where he is now was because he made the decision to drop friends he no longer needed, he only has less than a handful of friends he speaks to properly now. This made me understand that not everyone’s meant to be in your life, the loss of their places in your life will eventually be replaced by greater people you haven’t even met yet. Why associate yourself with people who aren’t supportive or always bring you down? Don’t get me wrong I loved my friendship group, they wouldn’t bring me down and they could be supportive at times. I don’t know why, I just felt like I no longer had a position in our group anymore… I felt like I could meet better people because they didn’t truly understand me.

2) HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE

My point needs to be emphasised by putting the words in cap locks because it’s so true. You want a better body? GO GET IT, stop being lazy and exercise (you need to practice what you preach Roxy lol). Want to learn the piano? GO LEARN IT! Want to learn how to sing? GO LEARN TO FRIGGING SING! I’m sure you get the gist of things, you have the power to arise above anything bringing you down, you have the power to control your own happiness. Don’t let anyone else destroy it because it’s your own life and no one has the right to take away such a great feeling. I used to tell myself happiness doesn’t last forever and I was right, it doesn’t but if you keep telling yourself that there’s no point of being happy because something will come along and spoil it you’ll never truly be able to see the light in the darkest places.

“Everything in life is temporary. So if things are going good, enjoy it because it won’t last forever. And if things are going bad, don’t worry – it can’t last forever either” – Anon

Life’s too short – very cliché but you don’t want to be staring out the window on your rocking chair, when you’re 78 thinking that you could have done so much more to make yourself happier.

3) Everything happens for a reason

Trust the timing in your life! Please don’t give up if you feel like your life is crumbling and isn’t worth living, PLEASE don’t give up. You have purpose on this earth and it’s very easy to overlook this when you don’t appreciate yourself enough. You’ll find a way to get through all the bullshit and once you’re at the end of that tunnel you’ll finally see why all those difficult times in your life has led up to that specific moment.

4) Know you worth & don’t depend on people too much.

“I didn’t see my worth until I stopped looking for it in other people. I realised no matter how many people walk in and out of my life, they can only love me so much. I needed to love myself, in order to experience fulfilment. Others can’t love me on my behalf; I have to do that myself. When I started doing that I lose dependence on people for my smile and gained independence on myself for my happiness.” – Anon

“Self-love, self-respect, self-worth… there is a reason they all start with “self”. You cannot find them in anyone else.” – Anon

5) Don’t let BOYS be a distraction

Okay this is a hard one and I’m struggling to stop it from happening but you can’t help how you feel about someone right? So there’s this guy in my college, my closest mate Andrew refers him to horse rider because he thinks he has a posh white boy name (don’t even ask LOL) so I might as well use it. Having a crush on someone is SOOOO annoying. You can’t stop thinking about them, you try so hard to not do something embarrassing and you end up doing something embarrassing, you just can’t win! I’ve spoken to him like three times and I’m sure he thinks I’m a freak looooool. The day after he spoke to me for the first time I was walking with his sister and her bestfriend and I swear we was staring at each other for a good 10 seconds, it was so awkward…. It was my fault though, I didn’t smile or anything I just stared ffs! Ever since then it’s just been so weird and I completely fucked up the chance to even be friends with him urghhhhh what’s wrong with you Roxy! It’s funny because I basically speak to all his friends except for him but hey you never know what the future may hold, not that I’m expecting anything to happen or anything. I really want to do well in my a level so I’m trying my best to put him at the back of my mind and prevent him from being a distraction even though it’s really hard.

There’s probably a few more points I forgot to add but if I remember them I’ll post it when I do.

I hope everyone’s having a great day,

Roxy xoxo

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3 thoughts on “Last month of the year – what I’ve learnt

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